Even if you are unimaginably famous, a crappy pop song is a crappy pop song. With that in mind, here's Beyoncés super crap new pop hit that will probably and nauseatingly hit number one on Billboard, "Video Phone." And this is my totally subjective and entirely accurate brief analysis.
The concept of the video is like it was directed by 3 separate people. The beginning appears to be derived from something out of Resevoir Dogs, but then we have her dancing as some sort of futuristic bored gum-chewing stripper that throws her ponytail braid around. And then we have men with cameras on their heads (but keeping with the theme, shouldn't they be videophones?) Beyoncé can do so much better than this.
Remember Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)? That was pop brilliance itself! But "Video Phone?" As our spanish friends say- chupa la gran. Does anyone actually call their cell phone a "videophone?" I'm pretty sure most cellular devices have video capabilities nowadays, so really only grandparents and the technologically illiterate refer to their cell as a videophone. Making Beyoncé... dare I say it, behind the times? Out of touch?
She does use with the line "What, you want me naked? If you like it you can tape it on your video phone." Perhaps she's actually making some insightful social commentary on all the sex tape scandals recently, a lá ex-Ms. California Carrie Prejean. As we all know (or should know by now) taping something on your "videophone" is a fast ticket to TMZ notoriety. But such a passive statement that can be summed up as "you want me naked? Okay, whatever" actually does fit her whole bored stripper dancing that occurs in the video. Above all else, she gets points for consistentency. And I am too disappointed in Lady Gaga to even comment on her appearance in the video.
This is when you know a pop song is crappy:
When the song repeats catch words and phrases. For example, Beyoncés "Video Phone" repeats the word "video phone" sixteen times in the lyrics and chorus (not including background vocals). In addition, she uses the word "video" by itself an additional seven times, and the words cell phone once, video screen once, tape once, and film once. If you didn't know what the word videophone meant- look! She gave you context clues! Someone had a thesaurus, huh B? Wink.
These lyrics really help to flush out the song:
"On your video phone, make a cameo
Tape me on your video phone, I can handle you
Watch me on your video phone, on your video, video
If you want me you can watch me on your video phone
I love how you approach me
Fresh white with your pants hangin' grown man low
Everything you sayin' soundin' good to me
No need to convince me anymore."
Pants hanging grown man low? Either she's being clever and talking about wearing pants normally, as most grown men should do or... well. Or the whole song is really just mindless dribble that details her narcissism in wanting to be taped by a guy with a flashy phone and pants falling off his butt.
No need to convince ME anymore, Beyoncé. This was an album filler, wasn't it?
sad but true.. good writing though (yours not the lyrics.. yes, grown man low is kinda an oxymoron.
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